Thursday, August 21, 2014

Depression leads to Sin

I keep having problems with my depression and I don't know what to do about it. So I do everything. I try to get rid of the feelings in any way possible. I try drinking a lot of caffeine, which usually backfires because it just makes my heart race and the anxieties worse. I try eating, which does temporarily make me feel better. I try praying, but it is difficult to keep the conversation going. I played video games, which makes time go by very quickly with very little thinking required. I did some clothes shopping, thinking that if I look good maybe I will feel good. Then I decided that I had to do other things. I'm not going to mention what they are, but they are sinful things.

The problem with depression is that I do not know where it comes from. There is no fixable problem. I don't have any big adversities that I am currently facing. No one has died. And I have been dealing with this on and off for so long. I just want it to stop. At least I have found some motivation to continue writing.

If I knew what was causing my sadness, then perhaps I could find an easy solution. This weekend I had a lot of fun drinking and just hanging out. My bed manners were slightly more aggressive than usual, though, and the flashbacks of this one night keep making me wince. I don't know why I behaved the way I did, but it is evident to me that I am not letting out my feelings in a positive way.

It's been a few days since I began writing this post and now I am feeling normal again. I know that in my times of need, I should lean on God above all things. It can be such a struggle, though. I can't see Him or touch Him. He can't comfort me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I try my hardest to trust Him, but I have very little resolve when I'm depressed. I don't want to feel like a bad person for not trusting Him more, so I avoid the topic altogether.

Through my experiences, I can totally understand how people become alcoholics. I have washed away depressive thoughts many times with a beer. It helps things come out. It helps to let my guard down. I need that every once in a while.

In the future, I am going to try to really keep an eye on my mood. I am going to try to gauge when my depression is setting on so that I can combat it better and without going overboard into sinful territory.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Are Tattoos Sinful? by Jefferson Bethke

I don't have any tattoos, mostly because there is nothing that I love enough to look at for the rest of my life.  Different things speak to me at different times.  I don't think that anyone who has tattoos is a bad person or anything like that.  I just don't want them. 

As far as the Bible goes, I don't know every rule that has been written in it.  I know the Ten Commandments and love thy neighbor and all the big things.  I think when all things play out, I would rather not have a tattoo just in case it is a sin. 

I think Jefferson Bethke makes an interesting argument in this video.  And I laughed a little when he talked about Jesus having a tattoo. 

Friday, August 8, 2014

Building 429: "Where I Belong" Official Music Video

Friday's Fun: "Heaven is for Real" Review

I had mixed feelings about watching the movie "Heaven is for Real."  I had listened to a sermon series by my pastor explaining different things about heaven which I was really interested in.  In my depression and doubt, I have often wondered about death and what the afterlife will be like.  So his sermons were relief for me.  I thought that this movie was going to just reinforce those ideas and it would be like icing on the cake.

That was before I watched part of a sermon by David Platt during which he completely discredited the whole film and other people who say that they have gone to heaven.  Watch this clip to see what I mean:

David Platt: "Heaven is for Real" isn't.  

After watching that clip, it was very difficult for me to want to see the movie "Heaven is for Real."  When I explained my hesitation towards the film to my boyfriend and told him about Platt's theory of no one in the Bible ever coming back from heaven, he posed the question of why miracles couldn't happen in present day. 

I rented the movie "Heaven is for Real" the other day.  I must say that it was pretty boring and slow.  My boyfriend and I both found the main character, Colton, very annoying.  I ended up falling asleep at the very end, so I don't even know completely what happened.  There are movies that I have fallen asleep during which I go back and re-watch, but this was not the case with "Heaven is for Real."

I don't know the truth of the story behind "Heaven is for Real."  All I know is that I thought that it was going to be a decent movie because of a cast driven by a well-known Greg Kinnear, but it was very bland.  I did not enjoy the film and would not recommend it to anyone except maybe children, but they may find it boring as well.